


False Mistletoe

by lovingdefiance



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Botany, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Kissing, Love Across The Universe: Dangan Salmon Team, M/M, Mistletoe, Sophistry, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 01:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingdefiance/pseuds/lovingdefiance
Summary: “This isn't really mistletoe. Actually, it’s something calledfalse mistletoe. Not that Saihara-chan has to believe me, 'cause I’m not the Ultimate Botanist, after all. The only reason I know this is because, as a liar, I have a professional interest in lies that everyone’s come to believe...like bulls hating red flags, or human beings using only ten percent of our brains, or snow-cone syrups all secretly being the same flavor. They’re all total lies, you know!”The preeminent authority on lies dispenses a little information on Christmas traditions.





	False Mistletoe

“Good evening, Oma-kun. You brought mistletoe?” Saihara asked dubiously, approaching Oma beneath the darkened gazebo near the dorms. The realistic winter weather within the temperature-controlled dome was really something else, he thought. It was impressively advanced for the bizarre dating show in which they had found themselves, yet was also the least appropriate weather imaginable to call someone out for a private meeting. Naturally, that meant Oma had slipped a glitter-filled envelope under his door requesting exactly that. “Where did you find it, the warehouse? Is that why you called me to meet you? That’s kind of...” 

_Direct_ , he thought, and _forward_ , but while both of those words could be used to describe certain facets of Oma’s behavior, it had been much more difficult all along to get close to him in any sort of romantic way. Besides, Oma hadn't set that sort of scene up at all, hadn't hung up the dried plant or lain in wait. There had to be something else going on. “Eww. So that’s what Saihara-chan thinks of me, huh?” Oma held up the sprig with a bored expression, twirling it between his slim fingers. “Nope, I’ve got a question for you. How much do you know about mistletoe?”

“Hmm.” Saihara sat down close beside him, glad for the thickness of his own uniform jacket against the chill. Oma’s breath was visible in small puffs, but he sat casually on the bench as though the cold had no effect on him. “The berries are poisonous," mused Saihara. "It’s a parasitic plant, isn’t it? It feeds off the tree it’s attached to.”

“Mm-hm, mm-hm,” Oma hummed in agreement, plucking one of the translucent white berries and flicking it away into the bushes. “It’s kinda funny if you think about it, isn’t it? How we use that thing as some sort of love symbol.”

“I guess so.” Saihara almost smiled at the ridiculous cynicism of the statement, as though the petite, relaxed Oma with his mistletoe sprig was attempting to come off as some deeply brooding figure. “I think people just like to play along with it for fun, though.”

“Whatever you say. But you know what, Saihara-chan?” He grinned suddenly, alight with mischief. “This thing isn’t even mistletoe. It’s a fake!”

“A fake...” Saihara stared at it, the sprig held upright between Oma’s fingers for his perusal. “But what else would it be?” It looked like pictures he had seen, or so he thought - it wasn’t as though anyone paid close attention. “That’s a lie, right? You’re lying about lies.”

"Well, that sounds fun...but nope.” Oma shrugged. In the faint light cast from the dormitory, the violet of his eyes gleamed as he twirled the sprig again. “This isn't really mistletoe. Actually, it’s something called _false mistletoe_. Not that Saihara-chan has to believe me, 'cause I’m not the Ultimate Botanist, after all. The only reason I know this is because, as a liar, I have a professional interest in lies that everyone’s come to believe...like bulls hating red flags, or human beings using only ten percent of our brains, or snow-cone syrups all secretly being the same flavor. They’re all total lies, you know!”

Saihara raised a curious eyebrow at the thought. “I don’t think that last one is something everyone believes, Oma-kun.”

“Anyway,” Oma continued, ignoring him, “only one specific plant from Europe was originally called ‘mistletoe.’ This one here's got larger clusters of berries, but other than that they're really similar, so...”

“Then is it just a different type of mistletoe?”

“Ooh, you got me there! Just like every evergreen is a pine tree, Saihara-chan. Or like every melon’s a winter melon, right? Or how limes and lemons are the same!”

“Ah…” Saihara trailed off with a rueful air. “Okay. When you put it like that, I see what you mean.”

“But Saihara-chan isn’t wrong, either.” Oma plucked a spatulate leaf and set down the full sprig. His small fingers worried at the dry leaf, bending and cracking it, separating it into brittle parts. “Since the term ended up that broad over a couple hundred years and everyone believes it, I guess it’s either a lie or not a lie! It depends on how you’re gonna look at it, right? Maybe false mistletoe is mistletoe after all, if everyone agrees.” He let the leaf debris shower carelessly to the cement; the frigid breeze pushed it along with a skittering noise. Despite himself, Saihara shivered. How was Oma, so slight and wearing such a thin uniform, able to tolerate the temperature so easily? “So _that’s_ why I called Saihara-chan out here in the cold. I wanted to ask you...is it a lie or not?”

Saihara, chilly and perplexed, found himself with no opinions at all on the provenance of mistletoe. “What do you think, Oma-kun?” he asked experimentally, searching for the point of the conversation.

“Ugh, what a _boring_ question.” Oma, letting the stripped-bare midrib of the leaf fall to the ground with the other scattered pieces, picked up the sprig again. “The real question is, if you find yourself under it, what do you do?” He twirled around to stand up from the bench, his posture upright and decisive. “If the mistletoe’s real, then you’re just going along with it out of tradition, y’know?” With a careless, unstudied motion, he extended his arm and dangled the sprig over Saihara’s head. “But if it’s _false_ mistletoe, if it’s a lie...there are all sorts of possibilities.”

“What do you…” He tilted his head up to look at it, the translucent berries and the dark leaves suspended above him. Oma leaned forward, his eyes narrow and intent with unreadable focus. “What are you doing?”

“Nishishi...just asking a question.” The breath from his lips was visible in the cold - faint steam bridged the distance between them, driving home how close Oma had come. He _did_ look cold, Saihara realized, his skin pale as snow, his hair stirred by the freezing air. It could be a trick of Saihara’s eyes in the darkness, the sudden thud of his own pulse shaking his focus, but it almost looked as though Oma were shivering.

“I...I’m not sure.” He expected disgust at his uncertain reaction, but Oma’s lips curved in a satisfied-looking smile.

“Less boring this way, riiight? Opens up a lot of options if you stop to think about it.”

Saihara attempted to think, despite the distracting proximity, along the lines Oma was laying down for him. If the mistletoe was real, the conclusion was foregone, he realized - it was tradition, a meaningless act. If the mistletoe was false, then every possibility existed. It would be fine to ignore the false mistletoe entirely, or to believe voluntarily in the lie just long enough, knowing and choosing...

Not just to kiss or not to kiss, but the reason behind it. It was exactly the sort of puzzle Oma would like, Saihara thought wryly. A vague, complicated argument about some completely insignificant topic, a silly party game presented as though it were the most important decision in the world. The sprig hung suspended above his head as though awaiting his decision.

Oma seemed to be watching the thoughts go through his mind. His expression was amused; his lips looked soft even in the half-light. “What does Oma-kun think?” he finally asked, staring helplessly at the curve of Oma’s smile.

Oma grinned for a moment before leaning forward, meeting his lips in a brief kiss as his free hand touched Saihara’s cheek. “Mm…” Saihara stared up at Oma as he withdrew, eyes narrowed into satisfied, glimmering slits like those of a pleased cat. “That wasn’t an answer.” The air felt like ice on the sudden burning heat of his face, the feeling of Oma's lips on his still resonating through his brain. Oma’s mouth, he registered, was just as soft as it looked. Oma pressed the dry plant sprig into his hand with a wide, careless grin.

“Wasn’t it, Saihara-chan? It's more than what you gave me," he said. For the barest instant his smile faded, his expression serious. "What I just did... _why_ do you think I did it?” He turned away with a mysterious smile and an upraised, secretive finger as though shushing away any further questions, wandering back toward the dormitory. Saihara fought back the urge to reach out after him anyway, to call him back.

Left behind, Saihara stared at the white berries and the deep green leaves in his hands, his expression sobering in serious consideration. Oma approached the dormitory, grinning as he opened the door. “Saihara-chan,” Oma murmured fondly, glancing back at Saihara alone beneath the gazebo. “It's just like I said." His smile grew sharper, more wicked, his eyes glinting brilliantly in the warm light streaming through the door. "Maybe it didn't happen this time, but one way or another...I’ll make you love lies.”

**Author's Note:**

> The featured plant is [false](https://pfaf.org/User/Plant.aspx?LatinName=Phoradendron+leucarpum) [mistletoe](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoradendron_leucarpum) (also oak mistletoe, American mistletoe, etc.). [Mistletoe](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viscum_album) is in the same family, but not the same genus. However, the common name "mistletoe" is so widely used that it is even applied to plants of [different families](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misodendrum_punctulatum).
> 
> Oma's argument is pure sophistry...but he's having fun ♥


End file.
